#55 When to Tell Your Child They're Donor-Conceived—and How to Do It Well: Wendy Kramer

Episode Notes

When is the “right time” to tell your child they were donor conceived? And how do you talk about it in a way that builds connection—not confusion?

In this powerful follow-up to Episode 53, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne speaks with Wendy Kramer, co-founder of the Donor Sibling Registry and parent of a donor-conceived son. Together, they tackle the big questions: how early to start the conversation, what language to use with toddlers and teens, and how to support your child emotionally when their donor or half-siblings don’t respond.

Whether you’re still expecting or already parenting a donor-conceived child, this episode will give you real-world tools, language, and compassion to lead your family forward.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:01 — Why waiting to tell your child can lead to deep regret

• 02:06 — How to raise donor-conceived kids with realistic expectations

• 03:19 — Why donors (and half-siblings) sometimes say no

• 06:00 — Tips for reaching out to a donor or relative respectfully

• 08:17 — How to start the conversation with toddlers and young children

• 09:19 — The children’s book Wendy wrote to guide these conversations

• 11:08 — Why kids deserve to grow up knowing their donor family

• 13:30 — When to start searching for half-siblings (hint: before birth!)

• 15:08 — How the DSR protects your privacy during early contact

• 17:06 — Why the industry resists openness—and who profits from it

• 20:24 — What Wendy wishes the donor conception industry would change

• 21:38 — The most powerful thing she’s learned from thousands of families

• 22:13 — The #1 message Wendy wants all intended parents to remember
  

Resources Mentioned:

• SMS #26 - The Man with 1000 Kids - Safety Precautions for Surrogacy

• SMS #54 - Why Biology Matters: How to Find Donor Siblings and Families for Your Child - Wendy Kramer

• Donor Sibling Registry

• Book Your family - a donor kids story: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Family-Donor-Kids-Story/dp/0692106936

• BloomBridge Surrogacy app
  

Key Takeaways:

• Don’t wait for your child to ask—start the donor conversation early

• If a donor says “no,” it’s often about fear or timing—not rejection

• Early openness prevents identity confusion and builds trust

• You can build relationships with donor relatives without losing your parental role
  

Ready to start the conversation—or deepen it—with your child? Explore BloomBridge’s donor conception resources or connect with Wendy and the DSR to join thousands of families leading with love and openness.

“You don’t wait for kids to discover their cousins—so why would you wait for them to find their half-siblings?”